Just Wear the Dress (Bringing Out the Eve in Me)

One of my frustrations is being a fashionista, that is, in the sense of always trying to go with what’s “in” in the fashion industry.  I have tried to be one, at some point, but I really thought and felt deep down, that it really wasn’t me. I just didn’t have the confidence. I envy fashion bloggers such as An Apple a Day and Tastes Like Coke, two fashion blogs that I have been following. I am always amazed at how they come up with beautiful things to wear, especially the dresses, compared with the usual jeans and shirt that is a staple for me.

When my boss told me that I would be doing something that might interest me because it has something to do with a website related to fashion and luxury or designer items, I honestly told him that I would be interested to do it, because it would mean doing something out of my comfort zone, and not because it has to do with fashion in the real sense of the word.

I am a shirt and jeans kind of girl, and you can count by the numbers on your finger the number of times I did wore a dress, and it was only during these times:

• 1.       My First Holy Communion (I need to wear a white dress as per the school/church’s instructions-my mom bought for me)

  

  Top: I am in second  row, second from the left; Below: I am covering my nose with a hanky. Oh yeah, very feminine, I got a hanky. :)

• 2.       When I was the Maid of Honor in one of my aunt’s wedding (I got to wear a gown- borrowed from someone)
• 3.       During my high school piano recital (I wore a fuschia dress- my mom had someone make the dress for me)
• 4.       During my JS Prom in High School ( yes, it was also done by a seamstress we knew)
• 5.       When I won Summer Youth Queen ’92 in my hometown ( I got to wear a cocktail dress- borrowed)
• 6.       Being a contestant of Ms. Intrams ’92 in my alma mater (I got to wear at least 3, don’t ask me how it went. It was a disaster!- dresses all borrowed)
• 7.       Wedding of a high school classmate in 2009 (the dress I asked an aunt to buy for me which I kept until Haiyan drowned it.)

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  Can you guess which one is me? I can barely recognize myself. 

• 8.       A cousin’s graduation day (this was last week- the dress was given to me by my other boss/friend)

I just realized that I have never really made a purchase for a dress myself. The dresses I wore were either bought for me or done for me. I have not really spent on a dress! And to think I call myself a woman!

I can vividly recall the times I wore a dress because those are very important moments in my life. I want to start wearing a dress, as casually as I would wear my pants. But this would require a complete reprogramming in my brain’s neurons. And this is going to be quite a challenge.

With this, I have decided to embark on another challenge or journey, and that is embracing my femininity or my womanliness. It just never occurred to me before, although I am not in doubt about my womanliness or femininity ( I have four kids, and they all came from my womb), to actually celebrate my womanliness by embracing it rather than suppressing it. As a single parent, I felt like that I need to be tough to be able to hold the family, and wear the pants, literally and figuratively speaking.

So maybe you’re asking now, why the sudden change of heart?

Because I feel that I am not getting any younger. Sooner or later, I would reach at that point where wearing a pair of pants won’t look as good as it is now that I am younger. One day, my chest will flatten even more (lol!), my butt will sag, pants won’t look good anymore and only dresses would be what’s left for me to wear. So, why not familiarize myself with wearing them now?

Seriously, as I mature, I felt the need to embrace my womanliness more. I can’t explain how I feel but it’s like there is something that’s driving me to. Hormones maybe. So, I have decided to do more of the things in a feminine way, rather than imposing my masculine way of doing things.  I am challenging myself to embracing  and becoming more feminine in a matter of days. Here is the list of things that I plan to do. Some are things that I would do the first time:

• 1.       Buy and wear dresses more.
• 2.       Wear lipstick all the time when outside the house. I put on a lipstick when I go out, but I am just so lazy to retouch. ( I’ve got a lot of lipstick, because I used to sell them, but never really used much.)
• 3.       Have a vanity kit handy at all times.
• 4.       Wear sexy shoes. ( I may have to say goodbye to my favorite black flats.)
• 5.       Talk slower and project my voice sexier rather than a high-pitchy voice which always works like magic with my kids when they’re starting to get anxious, but not with men.
• 6.       Be a bitch when the situation calls for it. (going to be my favorite, but is this being womanly?)

Wearing a dress on my cousin’s graduation day was a form of an expression of freedom. It was important to me because I felt that I have started to break free from my own prison in my mind. I felt so free because I now have no one to tell me what to wear and what I should not wear. Would you believe the driver didn’t recognize me when he came to pick me up? Because he was so used to seeing me in jeans, he really didn’t know what to expect even though he was told I would be wearing a dress so he can easily spot me in a sea of people.

My latest attempt to wear a dress. Because I did not anticipate that the place (Orchard Golf and Country Club) would be so windy, I ended up holding the hem most of the time, afraid that the wind will blow the thin fabric to my face and expose myself.

I remember the two guys I had a long relationship with would almost always dictate what I wear. The first one wanted me to wear tank tops and mini skirt or shorts ( partly maybe because that’s what his ex-gf and now live-in partner likes to wear), and the other one would go ballistic if he caught me wearing something like that.

And of course, I have my own set of critics, my two brothers and my mom, who told me I look like a “matrona” when they saw me in a dress last Sunday.

But now, only myself can stop me from going on through this challenge. I may be able to go through with this or not, at the very least, I tried and I don’t care what people may say.

I may change how I dress, act and talk, but it will never change my character. I would only be more feminine on the outside, maybe combing my hair more, but deep inside, I am still the same old me.

Be happy and keep the faith,

Mei