Finally, I’ve finished reading Proof of Heaven. I purchased
this e-book about 6 months ago, but I only had the time to finish this lately.
This book was written by Dr. Eben Alexander, a neurosurgeon , who was privileged
to have a glimpse of heaven and actually feel how it was to be there, when he
was in a coma. As a neurosurgeon, he knows how the mind works, and mostly his
perception about certain things is usually inclined to Science.
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| Photo: brianphickey.com |
But when he had
a near death experience, his idea of heaven, or where we can possibly go after
we die, which initially he was doubtful because it would totally shift his
beliefs into the opposite direction, towards spirituality or spiritual beliefs,
he finally accepted and acknowledged his privilege of being able to share in
what other people with NDE (near-death experience) had. In the book, he vividly
described how it was in heaven, and how this experience had truly changed him .
He was even lucky to get a glimpse of God whom he called Om.
As I reflected on this, I was faced with a lot of questions
about heaven. Do we believe in heaven because it is what our faith tells us? Do
we believe in heaven because we were raised by our parents instilling in us the
rewards and punishment of heaven and hell? If I am to ask myself without taking
into consideration what my parents and
my years of education from Catholic Schools say about heaven, would I believe
it the way I believe in it now? I honestly don’t know how to answer that
without being prejudiced.
At some point of my being human, my mind started to doubt
about God, when, at that very moment, I saw the ugliness of destruction. My
experience with ST Haiyan was the worst I had experienced up to this very
moment. The hardship, the challenges, the hunger and thirst, it was more or
less what I would describe hell would be. And my mind started playing tricks on
me, started feeding me with deception. I started to think, if this is hell,
then God cannot be here. So I asked Him, while I was walking the very dark
streets of Tacloban one night, where could He be. I was talking to Him
(although it was actually talking to myself), I said,” God, can’t you see the
suffering we are in right now? Why’d you let it happen?”
And then I looked up and noticed that the
moon was full that night, it was as if a reminder that somebody was still
there, to shine a light in our darkest moments.
But if the mind can be deceived, our hearts won’t. Even
though my mind was telling me all these lies, in the depths of my heart, there
was still the belief that God won’t leave us in a situation like that all by
ourselves. And so all these nation came and help poured in. The overwhelming
love from everybody, that to me was heaven.
I didn’t have a near-death experience, nor have
I travelled what they all say about the dark tunnel that you pass through when
you die, but I know that at some point I was made assured that there is some
place else that we go to when we die, when it is our time to die. Or maybe it
was NDE, I don’t know, I once overdosed on sleeping pills during the time my
depression was at its lowest point. I had no memory whatsoever of being
conscious of what was happening to me during the time I was under the spell of
the sleeping pills, between the time the nurses were pumping out the toxins
from my belly, and probably from my baby’s body too (I was 3 months pregnant at
that time) and the time that I was fully awake.
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| Photo: en.wikimedia.com |
I had no recollection of seeing
angels , but there is one memory that remains clear to me, up to this very day. I don’ know how to describe it, but it was
like my subconscious knew that it was very dark, and then I saw a bright light.
It was so bright that it was mesmerizing.
And then I heard the voice, a voice so deep that it touched the depths
of my heart. It was so comforting and calming. I thought it was my partner, so
I asked him about it when I was fully conscious, but he said he was slumped
asleep in the couch. The voice was so distinct that I won’t forget what He
said, “ Day, sunod nala.” It was in vernacular which made it more special and
personal to me. It meant, next time. So,
it wasn’t my time to die yet.
But then when I started talking to people about this,
especially to my doctors, they believe that it was a side effect of the
sleeping pills. I was having auditory hallucinations, they said. And I stopped
talking about it because they started doubting my sanity. One doctor said that
an overdose of sleeping pills can have an amnesia effect because most part of what
happened,I do not recall. Even though my sister kept telling me what I had been
doing before I was pumped with carbon. If I had a case of amnesia due to the
overdose, then why is this the most profound memory that I have? If it was
auditory hallucination, why do I still remember it?
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| Photo on the left is me after my overdose. Post about that here. http://www.allaboutevediaries.com/2013/04/reflections-blast-from-past-and-how-i.html |
My mind wants to contradict everything I that I recall. I
stopped talking about it until now because people started doubting me. My mind
may deceive me with what’s real or not, but my heart will always know what’s
right. For me, I have never slept so soundly and peacefully in my entire life
as I woke up feeling recharged and calm . I have never felt so peaceful as I
felt that time. My heart knows that the Om (as Dr. Alexander refers to Him)
spoke to me. He spoke so clearly that my heart could not deny the joy and peace
it brought me. My heart understood what the Voice was telling me to do. It gave
me a deeper understanding of how life on earth should be lived, so that we
would be ready for the time to come when we pass through the dark tunnel and out
into the magnificent light of eternal happiness.
To answer the questions whether I believe in heaven or not,
not considering what I was taught to believe by my Religion teachers, this is
my answer:
I believe in heaven.
I believe in heaven as I believe in
love.
I believe in heaven because I have experienced heaven here on earth. We
don’t have to wait for death or a near-death experience to experience heaven.
Heaven is attainable here on earth, although it may not be as what it would
actually feels like to be in heaven, but close. Here are some of the things
that I consider heaven on earth:
- Seeing and hearing the laughter of my children, carefree, free-spirited and blissfully happy.
- Resting and feeling loved in the arms of the one I love. (I did experienced this before my relationships went sour, but I am aiming for this soon.)
- Being surrounded with friends who shares the same passion as I do.
- The taste of good food especially my favorites.
- Being near the sea and hearing the waves crashing on the sand. (For a while this became a nightmare to me as a result of trauma of ST Haiyan, but I am finally getting over that.)
- Seeing the sun set so beautifully over the horizon .
- Goofing around with my children.
- Travelling to places that I have set my heart on.
- Sharing time and talent to people who appreciates me.
- Sniffing some familiar scent that brings back happy memories.
- Feeling excited over something I bought for myself with my hard-earned money.
- Seeing the moon at night, especially when it’s full.(Always gets me every single time.)
- Feeling appreciated for something I’ve worked on with all my heart, be it something for the home or at work.
- Waking up in the morning and feeling excited over something wonderful I am anticipating to happen during the day.
- Hearing the choir sing in Church, especially children’s choir. Always, always gives me goose bumps.
Heaven is happiness.
Happiness is heaven.
We all have
different views on what happiness is to us. To me, heaven is something that
makes me truly happy. Coincidentally, it is Thanksgiving day, so I am giving
thanks for this slices of heaven on earth that I am privileged and honored to partake.
I am lucky to have a taste of heaven anywhere here on earth as long as I feel
truly happy.
Do you believe in heaven? What or where is your heaven on
earth?
Keep the faith,
Mei
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