Disclaimer:
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Although this is based on my real life experience, the man I am mentioning in this post is still a work of fiction, any resemblance to people is merely coincidental. :) Sorry for the title, I know it's misleading. I did it on purpose to attract curiosity.
Yes, I am moving on to the next phase of my life. And that's finding my happiness. Well, the other kind of happiness, the one that would make my toes curl and my eyes roll. ( (Did you just imagine a scene from The Exorcist? I hope not.)
Before I go on, let me give this piece of warning. This post is strictly for 13 years old and above. If you fall below that age group, scoot! This is not for you. Especially if you're my daughter. :) Do not read your mom's superficial view on happiness!
So anyway, being single for a long time can sometimes give us a sense of desperation, especially when the holidays are just round the corner. We always pride ourselves that we are okay, spending Christmas alone. But then who are we kidding? A warm body next to you is better than a cup of hot cocoa. Well, almost, but then, hey, someone's breath on your neck gives you goosebumps, the good one, and I'd prefer that over a burnt tongue. (Your dog can do that too, breathe on your neck,but believe me, it's better with humans. :=P ).
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And with this quest to finding my "toe-curling, spasm-enducing" kind of happiness, I know I have to find my own man. And that's where the problem sometimes come. I have read a lot of books, articles and yes, I have my own subscriptions to "dating coaches" or "life coaches" as they call themselves and the one thing I noticed is that it all points down to knowing what you want for a partner. In my case, a man. (Being a single mother would push you to be more masculine than feminine, because you don't want to be perceived as weak. But nevertheless, I have decided that I really do want a man, although sometimes I still have "girl crushes". Thank God, it was just a phase.)
And guess what, it is only lately that I have decided what qualities I look for in a man. Because, I realized that in the past, I would only settle for the one who gives me the attention that I needed. That alone is not enough. I need to be more specific. Because when you want something, you have to be very detailed for you to visualize and manifest it.
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Think Lucy Torres-Gomez, before she became a Congresswoman, and even before she became a commercial model for that infamous Lux commercial, she was just an ordinary (but rich) woman, who dreamed of Prince Charming. I remember during one of her interviews, she said that she really prayed for a Richard Gomez, I mean, the qualities and was specific with the qualities she wanted for in a husband .
( I wrote this post about two days ago, and let it sit in the drafts, because I wasn't so sure if I need to write something like this, because I don't know what reaction I would get from readers.Sometimes being too honest is being aggressive and can be misunderstood. But I am not a teenager anymore, so I guess, I am matured enough to know what I want. Just as I was about to delete this, I saw Yahoo.ph article on Sitti Navarro. And that became my affirmation that it's okay to publish this, even though some may think that this doesn't make any sense.)
And the recent one, to make a point, is Sitti, and she's marrying what she had asked for in her prayers. In an article, she said that she really wrote down all the qualities she wanted in a husband and then put the list in the pages of her bible. She specifically wanted a businessman, and yes,she will be marrying a businessman. Isn't that such positive news?
The logic, if we are asking for God to grant our prayers, wouldn't it be giving God a favor to be detailed about what we want, so we make it easier for Him to grant it? Makes sense, right? So now, I am listing all the qualities that I want in a man, hopefully the last one in my life.
Dear God, if you are reading this, now you know what I want for Christmas.*wink *wink. At least , I am clear of what I want. Since this is my dream man, allow me a bit of indulgence. Let me dream. Because I know it would be a heck of a time finding this one for me.
And if I could wish for that, then here are the specific qualities that I want:
1. God-fearing and must share the same spiritual or religious beliefs with me. He must be a man of God. Not that I would want to compete with God, although in the past, I have had a relationship that led me to walk kneeling from the entrance to the altar in Baclaran Church, because I was asking God for this particular guy.He was from a different religion and has very different religious views from mine. Worse, he was to be a minister and they can't marry who are not members of their church lest they convert. I asked God that if he can't be a Catholic, then allow me to change my religion so i can be with him. Pathetic! But can you blame me? I was in love.
2 He should carry a tune. not really the best voice in the world, but if he can croon like Michael Buble, the better. I love to sing, so a duet would be heaven. we will make beautiful music together. (cheesy!)
3. I prefer tall men, I don't know why but my crushes were all tall, but they ended up with somebody else, and then I ended up with two "average-height" men. I am not discriminating the slightly height-challenged ones, in-fact , I have been in a relationship for a long time with them. But I want someone tall. For a change.
4. He should be fit . I am not athletic too but I have a lot of energy. He must be into some kind of sport, even if the only sports he knows is chess. And hopefully he has a healthy regimen because it would be a big turn-off if the only exercise he knows is converting oxygen to carbon monoxide, or flexing his thumb and forefinger.
5. He should at least be experienced in the love/romance department. (The toe-curling, spasm-enducing activities goes here, hehe). Because I have gotten tired of always being the one who holds the relationship. For once in my life, I want to be babied. This time I want to be taken care of. I'd accept the change with open arms.
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6.This is important. He must whip a mean meal like Jamie Oliver (ha! yes, i really have someone to compare with). I love to eat. Food is my passion. It would be so romantic when your man would cook for you and have breakfast in bed. If he can cook gourmet, then the better. It would be economical because you save on going to restaurants. (In short, I.just.got.tired.of.cooking. for. everyone.all.the.time.)
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7.Must love children. Especially mine. He must have the patience and a family-oriented kind of guy because most of the men I know are not.
8.The usual qualities, responsible, thoughtful,generous, financially stable (preferably a businessman too). Not necessarily in that order or a must for all the qualities because a perfect man does not exist. It only exist in women's imagination.
So there, these are the qualities that I would want my man to have. But then, nothing's perfect in this world, so I don't expect him to have all those listed above. Notice that I didn't write the word "rich" because it's not one of the qualities of what I want that's pre-requisite, but instead, he should be hardworking and a good provider. Being rich should be considered just a "bonus". My aunt used to tell me not to look for a rich husband, because he and his family might end up looking down on us.We still have that kind of "pride" in the family.
So single ladies, you can start writing your own dream man and pray God grants each and every quality you listed. Remember though that you can only write the qualities and not call to the universe about a particular person. That would be like casting a spell on him.
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Do not be so desperate that you would resort to casting a spell on him, although you really might be tempted to use "gayuma". It will always backfire. You may get what you want, but be fair to yourself. Would you settle with the thought that the only reason he is with you, is because you cast a spell on him?
We can only wish for the qualities, but not a specific person, because that would be interfering with a person's free will. Consider yourself lucky if the man you want, wants you also, without using a love or a magic spell. You were destined to be together, indeed.
This might not be a bible, but I still hope that in publishing this into the blogosphere, it is like sending signals out into the universe and let the planets align to bring this to me. Or at least give God an idea of what I want (although I know He already read the desires of my heart.)
I hope I find this man, if there really is this kind of man or that he finds me before I turn 60, so I can still enjoy my toe-curls and "spasms". :) But even if I do not, life will still be amazing being single, as long as batteries are included and lasts a long time. :)
Here is a post I published in May 2013 about trying out dating, although the main reason why I wrote it was for a website (job-related), I ended up being honest with myself with and I think it is still applicable to me until now. Please read, Hit Me Cupid One More Time.
Now the question I have in mind is, should I let fate decide and wait for it? Or should I make a move to find it?
Keeping the faith,
Mei
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