Freedom and Me

There was a woman who wanted to change everything in her life, except that she can't if that meant leaving behind her children. She thought that if she change her name, at least a part of what she used to have and what she used to be, broken, would also change for the better.

My real name is Mary Anne, but I have been more comfortable using Marianne because significantly, I am trying to change a lot of the feelings that I used to feel, mostly angry, hurt, fearful and depressed. And also, i like this name because my ex hated it. Apparently he had been locating us on Facebook when I suddenly disappeared with the children three years ago and he could not find any information on our whereabouts. Aside from the fact that I did blocked him, I changed my name so he still could not find us, even though he use another account to stalk us.

I don't hate that this is what my parents named me (MaryAnne), of course during that time, maybe it was a cool name.  I just wish they could have thought about it many times before finally settling for that. I once read that Mary Anne meant bitter. I don't want to be bitter all my life, so I decided to do a little tweaking on my name and I like Marianne. Babyname.net says that the meaning for the name Marian (or Marianne) is rebellious, or a rebellious woman and I couldn't have thought of a better name to use than this. This name is so me.

If a name could really change one's personality, and eventually life,  I hope this one does to me. Rebellious also mean being carefree and feeling young all the time and not conforming to the norms. I love being different. And with my freedom, i would very much like to do what i want and express my individuality.

I knew some people, many actually, who have taken on a new identity, whether permanently or just for the sake of separating personal from their professional lives, from temporary necessity to permanent identity, and it did gave them a sense of freedom from the lives that they used to live, from the person that they used to be.

Now, I am taking on a new life, I want to be the real me. For years I have set aside my personal goals for the good of three other little ones who depended on me for everything. Now that they are older, its time for me to take centerstage.  I am still a mother, will always be their mother, but I would be taking on a new journey doing the things I love, taking calculated risks and making liberating decisions for my life.

This is the day I start living the dream, one step at a time, one day closer to fulfilling those dreams.

Keep the faith,

mei

Photo Credits: 

Pixabay/sciencefreak

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